Pouring out random thoughts...

Whenever I look at the moon... there are many thoughts that rush to my mind...I can't speak about all of them, however.. One day, I remember feeling this :

I wish to be like the moon, all alone, yet, so elegant, so loved by all, so much praised by people all over the world...the companion of all loners... and yet nobody can touch it..feel it. (excluding the science involved) I wish to be like the moon, to be so far away from everyone, such that no one can come near me..m not being a misanthrope..but really, I wish no one could touch my heart. I wish to be so far away and yet among everyone. Talked about, talked with, but still not touched. No, i am not a sadist either, but I have a heart, and I can't help that. All I want is to prevent it from being hurt or hurting others. I am trying, I have been taking steps... no, not to be alone but to make things better...to secure this unsafe heart..however it feels so exposed, exposed to those I love...

Truly, the moon is unique. There can be no one and nothing like it.. Its beautiful, inimitable charm will continue to surprise many.

We all wish to be a better person, or better at something, but God has made us perfect,... all you need to do is, look at yourself from the eyes of the person who loves you. You'll feel like, like you are the best... and you don't need to be any better.

... His eyes, make me feel how beautiful I am; his smile, makes me feel how charming I am; his presence, makes me feel how important I am...I..I, miss him......his firm grip of hands, his silent smiles, his love-filled eyes with that pinch of mischief...

Feeling Lovelorn..

I remember the days..as if it were today...
Walking side by side for long long hours...talking about nothing and everything...watching the stars, the moon, figuring out the different shapes the clouds made, and sometimes, simply just looking at each other...carrying in our hearts' immense love. "Friends", we always were and will always be, but to that friendship a little something was added and things turned out strangely beautiful. How wonderfully love encapsulates our hearts. We are lucky to find someone who loves us and more so lucky to fall in love with that person...its not just care, its that something that you cannot define, that you can only feel so completely...in your heart.. through your tears.. through your smiles... through his eyes,... When you feel so weak at knees without him and so elated by only knowing that he loves you so much...even though he ain't around.. When you are feeling so shy but you don't wish to look away to avoid spoiling the moment... When he keeps his hand on your head and you feel nothing in the world could disturb your happiness... When you are everything to him and he means everything to you... When you dream cupids...When you spend every moment with him as if its your last together...When his success is your happiness and his failure seems like your own.. when tears roll down your eyes if he is hurt...and happiness knows no bounds if he is elated. When your heart knows he loves you and only you completely although he keeps talking about other girls whom you show you are jealous of... When your day seems incomplete without seeing him or at least a call or a message. When you start calling him cute stupid names which you along with him used to make fun of earlier... When by mistake while talking to somebody else you call them by his name...bcoz you were actually thinking about him...

Love - is a very beautiful feeling. And this is probably the only something a person may like to "fall in"...coz there's no other way you'd know what it is. I know, I know now.

The Light suddenly goes out; with the back of my finger I clear the tears trickling down my eyes..look up and around, total darkness-total silence, seemed like the state of my mind. I got up from my chair making creepy noises and opened the door of my room...Since the day we've shifted in this new hostel, life as well as darkness have intimidated me.

Moving out looking for some light, I approach the balcony..there's nobody in or around. But there's the soft cool breeze that makes me smile, the beautiful stars that shine above high, the moon that speaks to me often. He usually has someone's message for me. Someone far away on the land of marble rocks, at the heart of India...someone who barely speaks to me but not so seldom to the moon. I am given the message by his divine luminescence and my heart starts pumping blood faster...lab-dab lab-dab...i can hear it. I feel the need to hold on to something, the railing's wet, but anyhow; that has been afterall my only support the past few weeks. I close my eyes, listening to myself, wondering how bad can it get, how much can it hurt, how deep are these feelings, but something at the back of my neck disturbs my plumbing into thoughts. I turn around and its the cool breeze sending chills down my spine.

Tears again flood my eyes...is he really going so far away from me? Am I really going to lose him? I fall on my knees...I cannot break down, I cannot lose hope so easily. When I listened to my heart for the first time and did the right thing of facing the truth that I cannot love anybody else but him - I didn't break down then, then why today. I have to face him with fortitude...i have to try all I can. Standing up I see him in front of me - no this can't be true..you can't be here. He smiles and says - Ofcourse I am, don't you see me? I cover my eyes with both my hands...and after a while when I peak through my fingers, I still see him there, looking at me with those love-filled eyes. I see them saying so many things asking so many questions making so many promises and our eyes start conversing..I feel so happy to have him with me..so calm, may nothing disturb this moment; but suddenly, all the tubelights start clinking, i look inside and when I look back, he's gone, and though there was light in me for those few minutes, he took it away and left darkness inside me, again.

आज ऐसा क्यों हो रहा है ....

आज पहली बार इतने दिनों बाद आँखों में आंसू आ रहे हैं ।
आज याद आ रहा है उनका खिलखिला के हसना,
आज ध्यान आ रहा है उनका प्यार भरी नज़रों से देखना।
आज याद आ रहा है उनका रोना जब दुःख इस दिल में हो ...
आज नजाने क्यों जिया नही जा रहा है उनके बिन,
आज नजाने फ़िर उनकी याद में दिल घबरा रहा है...
आज उनको पाने की इच्छा से आँखे नम्म हो रही हैं।
आज उनका हाथ अपने सर पे होने का एहसास चाह रहा है दिल।
आज हमे उनमे अपने जीने की वजा नज़र आ रही है।
आज उनके बिन जीवन एक इंतजार लगता है।
आज, आज हमे बहुत डर लग रहा है।
आज नज़रें उन्हें हर जगह ढूंड रही है।
आज पल पल कह के निकल रहा है,
आज नही तो कल,उन्हें हमारी ज़िन्दगी में आना है ।

Mother

A mother is an angel... she maybe your real mother, your step mother, your grandmother, or even your mother-in-law...; in whichever form you have her.. U can undoubtedly say: she is beautiful..in and out both. And here I would like to dedicate my poem to all those wonderful mothers out there...

Ma - I love to call you that..
when you are around, i am never sad,

When your hands caress my hair,
all worries vanish into thin air;

You make everything seem so explicable*,
The love you show seems inimitable;

Without the plethora of your objurgation*,
I wouldn't have gained so much approbation*;

Your world always seems to whirl around me..
When you are not smiling I know I am the key,

Ma, I have hurt you a lot,
But your love for me, has a tight knot;

I am so lucky to have an angel in my life,
It is with you my dear mother, that I thrive.

* explicable: possible to explain
objurgation: scolding
approbation: an expression of warm approval or praise

how I approached "Love"...

I see the undulating* grace of the cat crossing the road, the celerity* of the cars passing by, the breeze wafting through the trees making them appear as though they are conversing..and strangely about me, wondering..who this girl is..standing so lost and yet so cognizant*...I see eyes, eyes approaching me, a smile so sincere reflecting in them, averting my thoughts from the ardent love I was feeling, I smiled back at them... This was the moment, the moment I had been waiting for such a long time and yet I felt tongue-tied..

We expatiated* among those trees and talked about a sundry other things with bonhomie*...I was scared he wouldn't even try to fathom* my feelings, being biased by his principles..We had loved each other and had done blunders.. the thought of questioning his heart again was highly discomfiting.. The sun was setting into the horizon and the beautiful colors of the sky brightened his face in a charming way... I wanted to forestall my feelings, but what was in front of my eyes, was so personable* and so beautiful at heart that there was no stopping.. Now I was facing him, I looked into his eyes with all the love in my heart, this held him for a moment... Without giving him a chance to digress*, I held his hand between both of mine and shushed him... and my heart spoke -

" Without you by my side I may learn how to laugh, but not be happy; I may not pine* away in grief but today if I don't ask you, I am sure to wake up one morning wondering how beautiful life could have been together; I still may live a life worth living, but if I don't speak out my heart now, I will never in life be able to do so; I may not be able to wait for you all my life, but I've been waiting and still I am, for your heart to speak the truth... for I love you with a selfless heart... My reasonless love awaits your reply."

* undulating: to move in waves
celerity: speed and swiftness
cognizant: fully informed, conscious
expatiate: to wander freely
bonhomie: exuberant friendliness
fathom: understand or find the reason for
personable: handsome and attractive
digress: to stray from the point
pine: ~intense longing or grief

how "Love" approached me..

Living life with a modicum* of luck,
I'm not tyro* when it comes to love.

Resplendent* in that green shirt,
He stood there undisturbed.

It was all so surreptitious*,
Tho' being close together was fortuitous*.

Hand in hand,quixotic* in minds,
we spent hours days and nights.

He coveted* love voraciously,
His voice approached mellifluously*.

His ebullience* was so contagious,
I became him and we became us.

Love became so ineluctable*,
and life, so inscrutable*!

* modicum: a small amount
tyro: inexperienced, novice
resplendent: brilliant, shining
surreptitious: done secretly
fortuitous: happening by chance or luck
quixotic: impractical and unrealistically optimistic and romantic
covet: to want something badly
mellifluous: sweetly flowing
ebullience: enthusiasm
ineluctable: that cannot be avoided, inevitable
inscrutable: difficult to understand